written Sept 19, 2020
The word I try to avoid using. Most
of you know In 2007 I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma and relapsed in 2008. What most of you don’t know is that I relapsed again September 2016. Why did I choose to not share. I’m not sure, vulnerability? Fear? I never wanted anyone to treat me differently. I quit working as a nurse once I got diagnosed, realizing I needed a break from the stress and to figure my shit out. I decided against treatment to give myself some time to figure out what was going on. Coming from a history of chemo and radiation I wasn’t ready to be throw back into the fire. Then, we got the absolute surprise that we were pregnant with Aubrey. Cancer and a baby? It wasn’t the way we had planned it but I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy and home birth while still concealing this huge part of my life. My lymph nodes shrunk while I was pregnant.. why? We will never know but some say that the baby drops stem cells to help heal the mother. Then 2020 hit, my lymph nodes starting growing again and we decided it was time to start chemotherapy. So here I am 4 months into chemotherapy.. struggling but making it through one day at a time. Having a 2 year old, a pandemic and beginning chemotherapy was never in the plans but what is? So why share now? I’m tired of hiding, I want to show up as real and authentic as I can for my life. We transitioned away from a vegan diet (a story for another time). I want to not be the person who shares the highlight reals but the truth.. my hair is thinning, I’m tired and I don’t have energy for things that don’t serve me anymore. I just want my time to be meaningful and my content to be authentic. The good news is the chemo is working and I’m regaining my health slowly. It’s a process. But I hope sharing my story inspires you to share yours. We are all in this together. Thanks to the people who have supported me behind the scenes, watching Aubrey, sending meals and gift cards..and encouraging me and loving me through the hardest years or my life. It means the world..